Dear God No DVD Review

 There's a magical power in horror and exploitation movie posters.  They can put a casual moviegoer into a rabid state.  Fans of this kind of cinema wait and pray for movies like this to be released--just by looking at the poster alone.

Dear God No is another example of the present looking back at the past.  Re-makes and re-imaginings are being released right and left, so it's not a surprise low budget filmmakers want to touch again on grindhouse/exploitation films as well.  Why the hell not?

Dear God No is about exactly what the blurb on the back of the DVD states.  A rude, crude group of bikers rape and pillage in vulgar fashion until they pick the wrong house to crash.  THEN THEY COME UPON BIGFOOT!  Whaaaaaaaaaat?  To avoid spoilers, this low budget movie delivers on gore, nastiness, nudity, and that special brand of tastelessness that fans of this type of cinema love.

That said, it's not quite the cult classic others seem to deem it.  It's good, but it's not a cinematic victory by any means.  Maybe it's the hype, or maybe it's how bigfoot has little screentime that left me a tiny bit disappointed.  If you're looking for a stylish homage film, this isn't the best example, but if you're looking for a simple good time, it's here all right.  Recommended, but don't read into the hype too much.

Sledgehammer DVD Review

For the average horror fan, 80's shot-on-video will mean absolute poison.  If you like easy viewing, these kind of obscure titles are out of the question.  For everyone else...still a hesitant maybe.

Yes, Sledgehammer is basically like watching a family video.  It's shot in one location, in a single apartment, with the occassional outside shot of a red house.  You get a bunch of adults partying it up like normal people do.  Ridiculous food fights, drinking and yucking it up (even pouring booze on each other and acting like Neanderthal people).  You get silly side drama, like a hot chick who can't get to second base with a guy she's been dating for months (ladies, we've all been there; the guys just won't put out!).  Another couple where a guy won't commit to marriage.  Relationship drama, that's the last thing you'd expect from Sledgehammer, but there it is. 




To the horror!  The first half is funny at first, then it gets old.  Once we get to the horror, this obscure entry in the slasher genre gets interesting.  I don't want to give away too many of the juicy details, but the flavor of this is supernatuaral slasher with synthesizer scores and blurry white walls that add creepiness to the film (though I'm not sure how much of this was accidental). 

I don't know, there's something here that really took me by surprise.  The last thirty minutes does manage to get creepy (though repetitive) as our masked killer goes about dispatching people, though I wish the sledgehammer was used more as opposed to the kitchen knive deaths that dominate the kills.  I've watched shot-on-video before, and this has a leg up over the rest, but that's not to say this movie's going to win over the general public, or even fans. 

Give it a shot if you're feeling daring.  It does do a few things right, though the viewer has to get over the low, low budget limitations and the sheer strangeness of watching what feels like a family video movie.  Limited recommendation for those out there who've seen it all and need another fix at any cost. 

Kris is in da' house!

I'm very luck to have horror author Kristopher Rufty on my blog tonight.  He's volunteered to answer a very tough question for any red-blooded horror fan.  Keep in mind, this is the guy who's published the books Angel Board, Pillowface, and his upcoming book The Lurkers.  He's written some intense fiction, so I'm very interested in his answer.


So take it away, Kris...

Alan Spencer had the idea that since Samhain Publishing will be releasing our newest books this month that we swap blogs and talk about a movie that legitimately scared us. This was a wonderful idea, yet also the most terrifying idea I’d ever heard. In fact, I could probably fill several pages about why picking something that scared me is just as frightening, but I digress, I will not bore any of Alan’s readers with those arguments.

 

 

 

 

I grew up watching horror movies, literally grew up watching them on the weekends as kid and then throughout the week until one day when I began consuming them on a daily basis. I saw Friday the 13^th (original) for the first time when I was five years old on Commander USA on the USA network. I drew pictures in crayon of young Jason Voorhees leaping out of the water and pulling poor Alice into the murky depths of Crystal Lake. My Mom, always the supporter, hung those same drawings on the fridge proudly, for everyone to see. Family members who came to visit had mixed reactions about what little Krist was getting in to.

I guess those could be considered my first dips into the world of horror, and my first critics.

But did Friday the 13^th scare me? Kind of, but I was more amazed than frightened. I became obsessed with Jason Voorhees and watched as many slasher movies as I could. Masked and unmasked madmen (and Madman Marz) brutalizing people desensitized me to extreme scenes of violence in horror movies, so it was hard to “scare” me.

So, what did it, huh? What was the movie that scared me?

Actually, it wasn’t a movie at all. It was a movie trailer.

 

 

 

 

 

And that movie was Child’s Play.

I remember watching Halloween III: Season of the Witch on television. It broke for commercial, and this trailer began rolling of this little boy trying to convince an older man that Chucky was real. Of course the man didn’t believe the kid, and was, in return, trying to convince the kid he was imagining it. Then we get a flurry of images of people being stalked and slashed. The clip that did it for me though, was the low tracking shot behind Chucky—when he’s walking up the hall, the voodoo knife just in the corner of the frame. I’m not sure why but the stiff movements of Chucky’s arm, and the twisting lines on the knife’s blade scared the hell out of me. I tried not to show it to my parents, because if they were to know the movies were scaring me, they wouldn’t let me watch them. The only reason I was allowed to view them was because I watched them for what they were: Make-believe.

But that autumn night, it was me waking up from a nightmare, slicked in gelid sweat. I had to use the bathroom and was so terrified of Chucky’s knife bursting through the A/C vent while I was peeing that I almost cried.

Something coming through A/C vents stayed with me all my life because of that. I finally used it in The Lurkers. It’s a short moment where Haunchies are coming from the floors, but to me it has an extreme impact.

 

 

 

 

 

When I finally saw the movie Child’s Play I thought it was wonderful, a good time, and I knew that Chucky was going to stick around. Did the movie scare me? Nope. Not like that trailer had. But, I still consider that shot of Chucky woodenly stalking through the hall to be one of the best shots in cinema. Since the movie was directed by Tom Holland, who also directed my favorite movie of all time, Fright Night, memorable shots like that wasn't surprising.

 

 

Thanks Kris!  And don't forget to swing by Amazon, Barnes&Noble, or Samhain Publishing's website to check out his novels.  They're horror fan approved!

"Die" movie review

"Never go against the will of the die."

-Die

Straight out of the gate, this is a Saw rip-off, and a very blatant one at that.  It makes me think back to the George Romero Dawn of the Dead Italian rip-offs back in the day.  So if Die is basically a rip-off, does it take the exploitable parts of Saw and run away with them, or does it simply take the concept and do absolutely jack shit with it?  Rip-offs don't have to be a bad thing, but as with many movies, it's a case by case verdict. 

We get unhappy people at a crossroads in life held captive in rooms.  A guy with dice and a gun sets up challenges for our entrapped people to overcome.  Unlike Jigsaw from Saw, this guy doesn't have any theatrics, or has a super cool method of operations.  We're in a boring warehouse without the cool traps.  Without the cool traps, oh no!

Instead, we get a gun, or a syringe with poison, or some other way to die less cool.  No cool traps.  Just a guy giving two people a way to die that's really basic and saying, can't you do this to another person, or will you die instead of inflicting this upon them?  If you don't do anything, the guy simply shoots the other person in the head.  Oh, I just stifled a yawn.  Really.  That's it?  Yep.  Afraid so. 

And we get asides to enjoy a lame-o police investigation, just like Saw, but again, way less interesting.  A bunch of putzing around to fill the 90 minute film span. 

Why is it so hard to make a decent rip-off?  It should be a slam dunk.  I guess that's the difference between people trying to make a quick buck versus someone trying to exploit a concept and make a fun horror film. 

Sucks.  D- is the verdict. 

The Devil's Rock movie review

Nazi movies seem to be a thing of the past.  You had Inglorious Basterds from Tarantino, and the Uwe Boll Bloodrayne movies (if you can count that as a solid movie, though the third one wasn't so bad), but from a horror and exploitation standpoint, Nazi movies are few and far between.  That's not to say there isn't a reason for that.  It's a sour subject for obvious reasons, but of strong historical importance.  History is meant to be told so as not to repeat itself.  The question is always, is the material told in good taste?

In the case of The Devil's Rock, the material is in good taste.  We can move on from the offensive side of the subject and get to the horror.  Indeed, The Devil's Rock is taking place at a time during the war when Nazis are doing their obvious evil things.  A few rogue soliders go to an island to throw off the Nazi regime from attacking Norway.  Upon investigation, a trio of soliders infiltrare a near empty Nazi base.  Inside, bodies are gutted and blood is everywhere.  The Nazis are doing their normal sick shit--or is it something else?

The movie is simple in plot and design, but it works.  The colors, the film, the direction is all well-shot.  I don't want to give too much away, but the build-up to the end is well worth it. I  really dug how the movie takes its time getting to the monster.  It's all worth it.  There is a demon, yes.  The body count is low, but the quality of death and the movie itself is very high.  The atomsophere and overall story-telling is well done. Professionals with a low budget shot this movie.  If only Hollywood could learn from filmmakers like these. 

I give this movie a B+ with a high recommendation. 

Mutant Girl Squad Movie Review

Those of you who've seen the flicks Machine Girl, Tokyo Gore Police, and RoboGeisha know what you're getting into when watching Mutant Girls Squad.  Insane gore, hyper-crazy plots, and random madness that only increases the closer you get to the final scene.  Machine Girl was my favorite of the insane super gory Japanese genre, but Mutant Girls Squad definately gives MG a run for its money. 

Imagine X-men on crack, lead by a male geisha who has the ambition to crush all humans.  Throw in our main girl's newly found mutant powers and her moral question "it's wrong to kill humans, isn't it?" and you've got the basic plot.  What makes this movie special is the frenetic action sequences and what the fuck moments that lend these films such watchablility.  Some times it works, some times it doesn't, but in MGS, it succeeds. 

Mutant Girls Squad, nor the Japanese genre of horror films, won't be everybody's cup of tea.  This one's a good start if you haven't seen one before, and for those who dig it, you won't be disappointed, and that's really the bottom line.  I give this one an "A".  Damn, it's good to be a horror fan.