An avalance of TNA and GORE! A barrel of CHEESE and LONG INTESTINES! A black top hat full of BLOOD! If a person who didn't understand the zest and fun of b-horror movies, they would "embody" it after watching, er, "Embodiment of Evil." The rundown is simple. Coffin Joe wants to find a nubile woman to have his child. Suffice it say, he meets dozens of nubile women and still, he just can't find the right lady to have his son. Man, I can feel for the guy. Naked hot women are throwing themselves at this old b-movie icon, and it just doens't work out, so what do you do? You keep looking for hot nubile women, damn it. Sure, the plot is kinda stupid. But who cares? I haven't seen a movie that's made torture, gore, sex, and weird dreamy psycho stuff come off as such a cheesy good time. People get seriously harmed in this movie, but damn it, it's fun. There's either something wrong with me, or the filmmakers have got their hearts in the right place. I give this movie an "A." I'm shocked to see this low budget film come off as so ambitious. Great gore, crazy set pieces, and the acting, well, don't worry about that. You get your bang for your buck in this one. And this is coming from a reviewer who hadn't seen any of the Coffin Joe movies from the black and white glory days of film.
Now I can say I've watched a horror flick from Uruguay. Anyway, there isn't a whole lot to review in this film called "The Silent House." I respect the filmmakers attempt to shake off the POV camera/shaky camera effect for something more original. The camera is basically following the girl throughout the whole movie, either from behind her or beside her, so it feels like you're actually her. From that standpoint, very interesting idea. What this film seriously lacks is substance. I don't want to give the plot away (what little there is of it), but you're in a house with the girl hearing things and seeing things and generally wondering what the hell is going on. The movie is JUST that, really, a girl walking about a house. This movie fails to keep the movie watcher engaged once the truth behind what's going on is revealed. The real problem is it could've been an interesting short film, but as a feature length film, it gets boring. Now don't get me wrong, this movie had seriously potential. It's not shot poorly, and the filmmakers seemed to know what they were doing. The problem, there isn't much that actually happens. To say anymore gives away the entire store and the point of this film. I give it a "C" grade. Could've been good, though.
I'll start with "Bloody Moon." I've never been a huge fan of Jess Franco's films, but this one actually stands out from his fount of euro-horror/sleaze. I won't give too much away, but this slasher movie actually works. It's got a lot of nudity, some really good kill scenes (especially one involving a logging saw--delicious), and it's overall seedy nature lends it that special quality missing in a lot of similar slasher knock-offs of its time. The soundtrack is absolutely atrocious. In an interview with Jess Franco, he said the soundtrack was supposed to be Pink Floyd, but it didn't work out in the end--big fucking surprise considering this is a low budget movie. I give it a solid 3.4 out of 5 stars. Pretty darn good, and Severin's release of the DVD is a top-notch transfer with all the gory goods and nudiness intact. Thank you Severin!
"Pieces" has got to be in my top five favorite slasher movies of all time. The premise of a killer wanting to put together a jigsaw puzzle with a nude chick on it together for real is sick and twisted enough, but throw in some really over-the-top kill scenes, a college campus "Casanova" who's really good with the ladies, enough cheesy red herrings to occupy twenty slasher movies, and Christopher George's performance, and you've got b-grade bliss. This movie delivers, no matter if the plot or the characters can't be taken too seriously. I do take it seriously because it's that awesome. It works on an impish level, and I love that kind of humor dervied from a movie where people tried to take a ridiculous idea seriously. I'm not knocking it, keep in mind. And I cherish the "Grindhouse Releasing's" uncut DVD with a beautiful transfer. If you haven't seen this one make it a priority, especially if you're a slasher movie fan.
I'll finish part one of my "Nasties" list by mentioning "The Burning." I think this should've been "Friday the 13th Part Two." It's got Tom Savini special effects and that distinctive 80's slasher feel with enough sleaze and gutter humanity greasiness to it to win its way into my heart. The premise is simple, a summer camp caretaker gets burned in a prank gone wrong, and later, the campers who go to the same camp in the future get stalked and killed. What's different here is that the campers who end up being knocked off don't deserve to be killed, really. They had nothing to do with the accident where the killer got burned. We've got some good kill scenes, but what really makes me like this is how I feel after watching it. Innocent people die, and that's the horror of it. It's got enough darkness and real grime to it to stick to my ribs, and I've watched it multiple times. Good stuff. Good nasty.
For starters, I can't say this is a straight horror film, but its characters, motives, and the way the movie's intentions unfold are extremely horrifying. "Hardy Candy" is the very definition of uncomfortable tension. Back when I was taking creative writing classes, teachers would always emphasize putting likeable characters in your story, a person the audience can cheer for. In "Hard Candy," the narration tricks you along every step of the way. You're not sure who to like or cheer for, since the story is literally only between Ellen Page and Patrick Wilson for the entire film. They are both very questionable characters facing obviously immorally wrong things.