THIS TOWN EATS EVERYTHING

I just wanted to post an early sketch for the next cover of my upcoming novel THIS TOWN EATS EVERYTHING. The art is by Matt Truiano, who also did the cover for my other books CIDER MILL VAMPIRES and THE BODY CARTEL.  As an author, I'm very lucky to have such an awesome artist creating these covers.  It only adds to the fun of the whole process.  Keep your eyes peeled for this book, and please check out ones already released! 

 

 

The Boogens DVD Review

Every horror fan loves a ressurrected movie from the obscure ether.  The very thought of re-living the by-gone days gets us drooling, so does The Boogens invoke nostalgia, or does it induce I want my money back? 

I don't want my money back.  Paramount/Olive Films/Amazon have my money, and they can keep it, because this film was a lot of fun.  Number one, the characters are likeable and funny.  Two, it's old school monster horror.  Three, the transfer is superb. 

Sure, the monsters don't get much screen time, but there is solid atmopshere, some gore, some nudity, and a lot of fun.  It's not a high body count film, and the monster bits don't add up to more than five minutes, but overall, it's a fun ride if you're not throwing too many expectations on it.  Creature Feature fun before CGI stole movie making creativity. 

The plot's pretty simple.  Old cave gets blown up to mine, old monsters get out, and it's up to a few locals to stop them. It sounds tired, but the characters and old school effects inspire me to give it the Alan Spencer two thumbs up. 

If you're dying for another gem, it might not be here, but for basic monster movie fans, it'll sate you. 

B-Movie Attack is out on e-book, fright fans!

  Today's the day!  B-Movie Attack's out on e-book.  Here's book number two from Samhain Publishing.  The tits!  The blood!  The hookers!  The dismemberment!  The unholy terror sicked on Chicago!  This is all in B-Movie Attack, and so much more.  If you're a fan of horror, laughs, blood, terror, or anything else I can fit in my horror blender, please give it a shot.  B-Movie Attack's available on Amazon and Samhain Publishing's website.

And don't forget about part one, B-Movie Reels!  Learn how it all started!

And keep your eyes peeled for my next book from Samhain Publishing coming in 2013 called Psycho Therapy. 

Until we meet again, staunch those bleeding wounds, get off the slab at the morgue, and live another day for horror!

-Alan Spencer

Monster Brawl DVD Review

Monsters fighting each other!  Lance Henrickson narrating (and saying Mortal Combat phrases after good punches and monster moves like "Fantastic")!  Dave Foley as a commentator!  No way this can be bad.  Uh uh.  Nope.  Not a chance!  Throw in battles like Cyclops vs. Witch Bitch.  Lady Vampire vs. The Mummy.  Werewolf vs. Swamp Gut.  Zombie Man vs. Frankenstein.  The promise of cinematic gold.

Welp, it's bad.  Real bad.

Still not convinced? 

Imagine short introductions to the monsters, then they meet up at a cemetery, walk onto a ring, and do battle as two commentators give us annoying, not funny commentary.  This happens over and over again ad nauseum.  No real connecting story, or conflict.  The movie lacks a pulse, thus making it flat.  Plus, the monster make-up effects leave something to be desired big time. 

Okay, the idea is fun as shit.  But to bring monsters together in a ring, it's very difficult to write a movie around that concept alone.  Hell, they went through various scripts and treatments of Freddy vs. Jason before they came up with something worth filming. 

That said, there is ambition here.  You get the heart of a moviemaker who wants to entertain, there just isn't enough of a story, or any real rise and fall of conflict or events, to keep the viewer interested.  No main characters.  No tension.  Just introductions to monsters, then they fight in a ring.  Bo-ring. 

I couldn't resist renting this movie.  Such promise.  Interesting premise.  The writers just didn't take it anywhere.  Unfortunately a big let down.  Avoid, especially if you've got a ton of movies in your to-watch list. 

The Disco Exorcist DVD Review

This movie's got a bit of hype attached to it.  You've got to have it to sell it, so what's the low down dirty goods about The Disco Exorcist?

Gun to the head opinion: Slightly Disappointed. 

Relaxed Super Horror Fan Opinion:  Good, but not great

I'm all about independent cinema.  Take independent cinema trying to recreate the grindhouse, exploitation era, and you've got my interest.  The trouble is the movie doesn't quite pick a side between comedy and horror.  It jumps from one to the other without enough sense of continuity.  If I'd take individual ten to fifteen minute chunks of the movie at a time instead of the big picture, I'd have high accolades to give The Disco Exorcist.  But if I'm being critical...

The beginning takes fifteen minutes of disco dancing and strangeness to really get moving.  A disco swinger guy beds a woman, then leaves her for a popular porn actress.  The scorned woman brings on the voodoo, and you get possessed porn actresses, and strange moments of horror.  That in itself is badass, but you get many attempts at sexual humor gone bad-Troma, and it sullies the experience.   

There are genuine moments of funniness and horror, but it's an odd melding.  Maybe I'm upset because the look of it was old grindhouse horror.  You could've had old school exorcism awesome-ness if it weren't for the humor.  Plus, the jokes, the puns all come forced and trying way too hard.  The budget shows at times, and that's okay, but when the story has trouble coming together, the viewer tends the get critical. 

But there's a lot of good here.  Nudity.  Nudity.  Nudity.  There's also some great moments of gore as well, it's just, well, this fan wanted more horror and less stupid sexual humor.  I can get that just about anywhere, but solid old school vintage horror grindhouse throwbacks are few and far between.  It's worth checking out if you're used to lower budget films. Rental quality, not so much owning quality, I'm afraid.  Fun, and I really wanted to love it, but I wasn't one hundred percent won over.  Seasoned fans should give it a whirl for sure.  Many people might disagree with my review, so check it out for yourself if you're still curious. 

Dear God No DVD Review

 There's a magical power in horror and exploitation movie posters.  They can put a casual moviegoer into a rabid state.  Fans of this kind of cinema wait and pray for movies like this to be released--just by looking at the poster alone.

Dear God No is another example of the present looking back at the past.  Re-makes and re-imaginings are being released right and left, so it's not a surprise low budget filmmakers want to touch again on grindhouse/exploitation films as well.  Why the hell not?

Dear God No is about exactly what the blurb on the back of the DVD states.  A rude, crude group of bikers rape and pillage in vulgar fashion until they pick the wrong house to crash.  THEN THEY COME UPON BIGFOOT!  Whaaaaaaaaaat?  To avoid spoilers, this low budget movie delivers on gore, nastiness, nudity, and that special brand of tastelessness that fans of this type of cinema love.

That said, it's not quite the cult classic others seem to deem it.  It's good, but it's not a cinematic victory by any means.  Maybe it's the hype, or maybe it's how bigfoot has little screentime that left me a tiny bit disappointed.  If you're looking for a stylish homage film, this isn't the best example, but if you're looking for a simple good time, it's here all right.  Recommended, but don't read into the hype too much.

Sledgehammer DVD Review

For the average horror fan, 80's shot-on-video will mean absolute poison.  If you like easy viewing, these kind of obscure titles are out of the question.  For everyone else...still a hesitant maybe.

Yes, Sledgehammer is basically like watching a family video.  It's shot in one location, in a single apartment, with the occassional outside shot of a red house.  You get a bunch of adults partying it up like normal people do.  Ridiculous food fights, drinking and yucking it up (even pouring booze on each other and acting like Neanderthal people).  You get silly side drama, like a hot chick who can't get to second base with a guy she's been dating for months (ladies, we've all been there; the guys just won't put out!).  Another couple where a guy won't commit to marriage.  Relationship drama, that's the last thing you'd expect from Sledgehammer, but there it is. 




To the horror!  The first half is funny at first, then it gets old.  Once we get to the horror, this obscure entry in the slasher genre gets interesting.  I don't want to give away too many of the juicy details, but the flavor of this is supernatuaral slasher with synthesizer scores and blurry white walls that add creepiness to the film (though I'm not sure how much of this was accidental). 

I don't know, there's something here that really took me by surprise.  The last thirty minutes does manage to get creepy (though repetitive) as our masked killer goes about dispatching people, though I wish the sledgehammer was used more as opposed to the kitchen knive deaths that dominate the kills.  I've watched shot-on-video before, and this has a leg up over the rest, but that's not to say this movie's going to win over the general public, or even fans. 

Give it a shot if you're feeling daring.  It does do a few things right, though the viewer has to get over the low, low budget limitations and the sheer strangeness of watching what feels like a family video movie.  Limited recommendation for those out there who've seen it all and need another fix at any cost.