Excision movie review

Excision is a movie interesting by its cameos/stars alone.  John Waters.  Malcom McDowell.  Ray Wise.  That's three cult figures already.  Then two characters that are in the movie more, Traci Lords and Roger Bart.  Wow.  Power packed, right?

That said, Excision is sort of like the movie Juno, if Juno was a total sociopath.  Our main character, Pauline, a young teenage girl curious about sex, life, death, and the usual teen hormonal bullshit, suffers from not being liked by her peers.  Add to that, Pauline isn't understood by her overbearing mother at all.  Pauline isn't the prettiest thing, and her social skills are lacking, but her diabolically dry wit is funny during most of the movie.  She's sweet, in a deranged, sad kind of way.  You feel sorry for her, until things go awry. 

The bigger conflict of the movie, Pauline struggles with the fact her younger sister is suffering through cystic fibrosis.  She's also having demented visions of hyper sexual surgery, featuring fetuses, cut up people, and other fucked up shit, in result of her strange anti-social anxiety.  What is this culminating to, you're thinking?

No spoilers, you can see a mile away what our main character has in store for the movie's finale.  It's sad, sick, depraved, but also poignant, socially satirical, and filled with dark humor.  I'm still a bit on the fence about it's overall enjoyability, but I'd say if you're in the mood for something different, slower moving, and more character and dialogue based rather than visual (though the freak out visions during the movie are pretty effective), you'll find something to appreciate here.  Probably a one-time view, though. 

Grade B-
Traci Lords: A+

The Collection Theatrical Movie Review

I was a mild fan of The Collector when it came out.  It wasn't original, but the execution and grisly deaths made it a fun enough ride.  Who would've thought a wide-release sequel would've ever happened, but it did!

The Collection, straight up, is a fucking blast.  Our collector is at it again.  The character who survived the first movie leads a group of what you'd call mercenaries, or bad asses, to the collector's hideout to save a rich guy's daughter from imminent slaughter. 

The Collection throws mass slaughter, killer traps, fun gore, and mile-a-minute action.  Horror fans will revel in the way it delivers mindless thrills.  Those who aren't big horror fans and don't enjoy squeamish stuff will shy away, but it's all done in the mode of fun. 

I highly recommend you see this in the theatres.  It doesn't seem like the box office take is that high, and I guess I'm not completely surprised.  Plus, the mainstream critics have given this one the thumb's down.  Well horror fans, I'm here to say they're FUCKING WRONG.  If you like slasher movies, gore movies, or a thrill ride, this one delivers.  It's not Oscar worthy or anything, but it delivers. 

Grade: A-
Mainstream Critics: "F" for Fuck You

Silent Night Review

Considering the long string of upcoming horror remakes, Silent Night seems to come out of nowhere.  The original caused a lot of controversy, considering it was simply a movie about a man dressed as Santa Clause going around and wasting people.  There were a lot of mad mothers writing angry letters when this movie came out.  There's nothing like a movie that causes some public outcry. 

Of course, we live in different times now.  People won't be writing angry letters to anyone because of Silent Night.  Despite this fact, Silent Night, for the most part, is a breath of fresh air.   An angry person in a Santa suit is going around slaughtering naughty people.  A nice collection of fairly gruesome killings, some nudity, and a fun script with fun characters (though a lot of it's been there done that, it's still done with an attitude of fun), make this remake a pretty solid entry. 

The only real snaffu in the plot is the weak description of the killer Santa's motives.  Sure, we understand why, but it's glossed over.  This could've been expanded, easily.  The original also failed to really go into the motives, besides this kid is crazy from a past experience from his childhood.  Maybe I thought the re-make might go for broke in this department, considering the source material. 

But hey, it's still a pretty fun movie to watch, though it's kinda throwaway.  Fun merriment, death, some boobs, and interesting characters make this a recommendation to horror fans, and even outsiders. 

Grade: B

Devil Hunter DVD Review

 

Jess Franco is probably one of the weaker directors in the foreign sleaze/horror trade.  I guess you could call him bottom of the barrel in many ways, though Bloody Moon isn't a bad slasher movie.  But Devil Hunter, oh man, is it bad.  I'll admit ten percent of this movie is entertaining.  That's not very much.  And not nearly enough to even qualify for the so bad it's good moniker.

 

Devil Hunter is really a product of the cannibal/jungle cycle due to the success of Cannibal Holocaust.  So Franco hops on the bandwagon and makes a movie about one (yes, one!) buggy eyed cannibal who eats people.  Add a goofy subplot about a movie star who is kidnapped, put in the jungle with a band of bad guys, and send a bad ass (Al Cliver) to retrieve them from the cannibal island, all the while avoiding this single cannibal guy.  Sounds cool on paper.  You get nudity, and two scenes of poorly done gore, and that's really about it.  The rest is bo-ring. 

 

The film is full of inept direction, namely scenes that last far long than they need to be just to drag out the running time.  People walking from place to place, shots of stock footage jungle, and the times it could get juicy, the movie shies away big time.  Poorly shot, a plot that could've been very entertaining, are all shot to shit. 

 

Final grade, D-

My Favorite Cannibal Movies

This list doesn't include zombie films.  I'm sticking with jungle or Amazon settings for this cannibal movie list.  A lot of these are banned films that hit the Video Nasty list. 

 

 

 

It's not as good as Cannibal Holocaust, but it has similar aspirations in the quality department (depending on your definition of quality). 

 

 

 

Eaten Alive is pure b-movie chuckles. Remove the horror and add laughs.

 

 

 

 

 

Amazonia works more as a rape revenge flick and Amazon love story than a true horror film.  Kept my interest. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Massacre in Dinosaur Valley doesn't quite follow the cannibal concept to its fullest, yet it's a fun cheesy adventure movie featuring the fakest plane crash scene ever.  Must be seen to be believed. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cannibal Holocaust is easily one of the best cannibal films in this category.  Horrific and as realistic they get.  This movie stays with you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I just started watching this film.  So far, it's cheesy and pure exploitation that rides hard the heels of Cannibal Holocaust. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mountain of the Cannibal God is probably the weakest on this list.  It does have its moments of gore and cannibal terror.  And Ursula, oh Ursula...

Infection: Ultimate Hospital Horror!

Evil is contagious, indeed!   There's nothing better than good, effective, stylistic foreign horror.  When Japanese horror gets it right, it's damn good stuff, which is the case with Infection.  The story mostly revolves around a hospital that's about to be closed down.  The staff here is bare bones.  And there are barely enough medical supplies to handle the patients they do have.  Worse yet, an ambulance dumps off a strange patient.  Once this patient stays, bad things start to happen, especially when said patient dies because of unintentional malfeasance.  The intended cover up sparks the beginning of the horror.  The medical staff start facing their own personal demons, ghosts, and a strange case of green fluids.  Great creep out film with a penchant for the morbid and unsettling.  Sure, it's a tad heavy handed about the treatment of patients and the need to care for life, and the twist at the end isn't the greatest, but overall, this one's an effective slice of creepiness.  It's a mix of quiet horror and Japanese intensity.  Imagine The Grudge meets green slime meets fucked up psychology.

If you've missed this one, what are you waiting for? 

Shout! Factory DVD Shout Out!!!

 I'm new to Tobe Hooper's The Funhouse.  I thought I was going into a sort of slasher film that happens at a carnival.  That's not exactly right.  What I got was something way better.  So slasher fans, you might need to change your expectations with this one.  The Funhouse focuses more on mood, eeriness, and a certain seediness that comes with the traveling carnival experience.  A group of friends visit the local carnival and basically witness a murder.  Once the surprise is unleashed mid-movie, it only spirals out of control from there to a pretty suspenseful climax.  Very good stuff here, worth a re-visit for the people who dub this film only "average."

Shout! Factory has also done a major service with the updated film transfer.  The great image quality really elevates the film because the movie's effectiveness really depends on the dark and creepy looking sideshow props.  The dark scenes aren't dark to the point you can't see what's going on.  Shout! Factory keeps rolling out forgotten gems and classics, The Funhouse being no exception. 



Another recent release from Shout! Factory is Halloween 2.  I didn't think much of this sequel when I first watched it many years ago, but like The Funhouse, the updated transfer really allows colors to pop and the dark mood and atmosphere to really come through.  My main criticism of the movie itself is how Jamie Lee Curtis and Donald Pleasence seem to have limited screen time, so there's not really a strong main character, only lots of small character threads.  The creepiness of being stalked at a hospital is effective.  The bloody moments, what few there are, come off much better with the new transfer--it's all about the little things.  There's also a funny mistaken identity death, where a poor trick-r-treater wearing a Michael Myers mask gets hit by a car and burned.  Certainly better than the later sequels, though only okay judged on its own merits, this one's a worthy addition to any fan's collection just because of the juiced up re-release.




 Yes, the movie isn't about Michael Myers.  So what?  There's plenty of sequels with him in it, so come on, give this one a chance already!  Halloween III really is a underrated flick that deserves more love (and it gets the love; this release is hands down the best image quality and filled with the most extras).  Halloween mask makers are the bad guys wanting to do bad things to our children.  An advertising campaign, a catchy song, a commercial contest on Halloween night, what child can resist?  What I like about this movie is its playful approach to horror.  It's both creepy and at times funny.  The use of mechanical machines and Halloween lore really impressed me.  What really hinders this film is the ten to fifteen minute lull between the second and final act where we seem to lose touch with our two main protagonists.  Once we get them back, the ending's actually more effective than I remember it.  Cult classic indeed.  I'll put it out there, this movie is better than Halloween 2.  The spirit of horror really comes off in funny and scary moments in Season of the Witch.  Love it! 



 I'm digging Shout! Factory's treatment of it's horror releases.  Next year's almost looking very promising.  I hear they're putting out The Video Dead!  Finally!